A Day In The Apple Orchard

A Fruit Bat named Ken was spending the day in an apple orchard with his girlfriend Maria. The apples in this part of the state were known for miles around as the best apples in the world. The two had been excited for weeks and planned a whole day - apple picking, cider pressing, a picnic lunch, and some wine at sunset. 

As the two pulled into the parking lot, the orchard stretched out in front of them for miles. Gorgeous and picturesque as anything they imagined. But, they also noticed something strange, something they weren't expecting - About half of the apple orchard was actually pear trees. 

"What fresh hell is this?" Ken said, "Pears?" 

"What's wrong with pears?" Maria asked. 

"They're not apples..." 

"So?" 

"So!?" Ken said, surprised. "Who enjoys pears more than apples?" 

Maria didn't enjoy pears more than apples but she didn't see why an apple orchard also having pears was such a bad thing. Sure, a pear may not have the crispness of an apple, may not have the tartness of an apple or the crunch of an apple, a pear may be inferior in every way to an apple - but that's no reason to deny their right to exist. 

"Maybe it won't be so bad..." Maria responded reassuringly, though admittedly, not convincingly.

"This is not what I signed up for," Ken said as he put the car in park. "Why can't things just be the things they say they are going to be? An apple orchard should be nothing but apples IMO." 

Ken sighed as he put the car in park. Devastated. 

"What has happened to this country?"

"Okay now don't go Gloomy Gus-ing, take it easy, it's not the end of the world."

The two got out of the car and headed into the orchard. The apples they had were amazing. Perfect ripeness, perfect sweetness, perfect tartness, perfect crispness. They took small bites of so many different apples you'd think they were sampling samples at Sam's Club. 

"I want to try all of them!" Ken exclaimed, momentarily seeming to forget his annoyance at the pears also present in the orchard. "It's like each apple is a dream and I don't want to wake up!" 

Maria had an idea, a prank really, that she could play on Ken. Amidst Ken’s dizzying frenzy to try all the apples, Maria flew by a pear tree and knocked one of the pears to the ground. With her feet, she removed a small portion of flesh from the pear so it looked like she had eaten it. 

"Oh my god, Ken! Ken! Come over here!"

Ken swallowed a small bite of honeycrisp and found his way to Maria. 

"Try this ground apple, it has a completely different texture and flavor of an apple still on the tree" She said, sneakily. 

Ken was suspicious: 

"Ground apple? I haven't heard of a ground apple before?" He said, "What does it taste like?"

Maria mimed chewing, so she could be more convincing, and also so she didn’t have to answer too many questions.

"Mmmmmm, it's so good, the taste is..." Maria hesitated, she wasn't sure how to describe the taste of a pear in an appealing way. "It's... Indescribable!" 

"If you say so," Ken relented. 

Ken reached down and took a small bite of the pear. The emotions he was feeling ran through his face in a flash. Curiosity, contemplation, then, elation. 

"Oh my god! You're right" He said, "This is so... so... different!" 

Maria was shocked.

"Um, what?" She said. 

"It's so good, you're right, wow, it's like a palate cleanser after all the crispy goodness of the tree apples. This ground apple is like a fun little sorbet!" 

"Really?" Maria was confused. She reached down and took a bite of the pear. It tasted like a pear. It was fine, but it wasn't exceptional. Certainly not delicious to the level where it could be referred to as sorbet. 

"You like it that much?" She ventured. 

"Of course not. It's a pear. I know it's a pear you dingus." 

Maria laughed. "Then why did you eat it?" 

“Well, to be honest, I heard myself as I was talking smack on pears earlier and I thought it came off a little harsh, so I figured I should give it an actual chance.” Ken admitted. 

"So what's the real final verdict?"

"Not bad but definitely not great. If you don't mind I'll probably stick to apples from here on out." 

As Ken and Maria flew away to enjoy the rest of their day consuming only delicious apples, the pears in the pear tree breathed a sigh of relief. It was working. They were safe from consumption for another day, and soon enough their plan to slowly but surely conquer and take over the entire orchard would be complete.