A Chicken's Dance Request
A Chicken named Theodore was thinking about what outfit he was going to wear to the Fall Ball. He decided he was going to wear a tie because he wanted to look extra spiffy. He spent hours on the internet learning how to tie his tie. When he finally finished his tie he thought it looked very spiffy indeed and very handsome as well.
The chicken had high hopes for the dance. He thought this would be the most important night of his life. With his tie on he figured he would probably be very popular and everyone would want to dance with him all night...
But then Theodore the chicken realized what was sure to happen at some point during the dance. It had happened to him at every dance he had ever been too and it certainly was going to happen again unless he put a stop to it.
Theodore thought the only chance he had at avoiding what he wanted to avoid was to write a letter to the DJ so he sat down with his spiffy tie still on and composed a letter—
Dear DJ:
I am writing you with a simple request.
I will be attending the Fall Ball this weekend. I am a Chicken. Far be it from me to tell anyone how to do their job correctly but I have one simple request that I hope you are willing to honor. I know this goes against your instincts but I am humbly asking you to please not to play the "Chicken Dance" during the event.
Now I have nothing against the "Chicken Dance" per se, but what tends to happen in these situations is that as soon as that song comes on everyone at the dance tends to zero in on me and I become the center of attention for the duration of the tune. Everyone seems to assume that simply because I am a chicken I am the most qualified to lead this dance and be the center of attention. I can assure you nothing could be further from the truth.
Despite its name, the "Chicken Dance" is not at all suited to us chickens in the slightest. I will break down why line by line:
"And a little bit of this..." -The dancer lifts both hands into the air and opens and closes them as if operating a hand puppet four times, twice on each beat; Chickens do not have hands. Already we are off to a poor start. It is impossible for me to complete this motion in any way and it leads off the whole dance.
"And a little bit of that..."
The dancer pulls their hands into their underarms and flaps them like a chicken four times, twice on each beat; This seems much more a mockery of chickens than anything else. I cannot pull my arms in because they do not bend that way and simply flapping my wings does not create the desired effect as is called on in the song.
"And shake your bum..."
This action on a chicken is used specifically in the context of nesting, or egg-laying. Neither of which feel particularly festive to the point of wanting to dance.
"And clap your hands..."
Again, chickens do not have hands. It's difficult to stress how much not having hands makes the "chicken" aspect of the "chicken dance" laughably inaccurate.
As you can see the song itself does not lend itself to a great performance from a chicken. The song and dance have a lot of inconsistencies for a chicken to have to navigate, and therefore I politely ask you consider my request not to play this at the Fall Ball.
Best Wishes,
Theodore C. Fowl.
