Snowball Fight By Union Rules

Lamar and Eunice, a pair of penguins, were out for a walk on a cold day in January. As per tradition, the two penguins walked a walk that they had never walked before in the hopes they may see something new. 

The trail they chose was fortunately and unfortunately pretty mundane. Their walk had so far produced nothing dangerous to be found but nothing interesting to be discovered. 

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A snowball appears to have just landed at Lamar and Eunice's feet. The two instinctively glance down at the disturbance. Their walk has, in only a moment, become both dangerous and interesting.

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The two penguins look at each other and take a cautious step forward. They Wait. Nothing happened. Take another step. Nothing again. They take one more step... 

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“Hang on! Don’t come any closer! It’s a union issue!” shouted a voice in the distance that was making its way toward them. 

Lamar and Eunice were uneasy and unsure what to do. They had, as instructed, stopped moving forward. As they stood there, still, they pined for the normal, boring, uneventful, walk they were only just on. 

A penguin holding a clipboard finally made it to the spot where they were standing. This must be the person who yelled earlier.

“Hi folks, sorry about the snowballs, but you see if you would have stepped even three steps more than where you are you’d be entering a Union Snowball Fight Production. And that would not be good." 

Thwap Thwap Two more snowballs landed, each to one side of the penguin/union representative. 

“I’m here! You can stop that now, Dale!” The penguin turned and yelled in the direction of the snowballs.

“A Union Snowball Fight, Production?” Lamar ventured, confused.

“What in the world is that?” Eunice put it more bluntly. 

“Oh, the boys are having a snowball fight down there. You can watch it if you like. You just can’t step in this space because this is the resting space for the crew.“ The Union Rep answered. 

“A snowball fight? Over what?” Eunice wanted to know. 

“Honestly I couldn’t tell you, I just go where the jobs are. But people down there talk about this particular snowball fight going on for years now. So that would be my best guess, years.” The Union Rep explained. 

“That’s not possible, do they take breaks?” Lamar asked. 

“Well, not initially, but that’s where the union stepped in and now we have breaks, and this break area that you were almost standing in.” The rep shared.

“Can you pick up that we’re looking for some more detailed answers as to what is going on here?” Eunice said, impatiently.

“Yeah, I get it, I was hoping you’d turn around before I had to answer." The rep replied, annoyed. "But fine, at first, sure, the snowball fight went on day and night, no breaks at all. But after year three, the more rank and file snowball throwers on both sides decided to form a union and they were able to lobby for unlimited, at-will, bathroom breaks (provided that all of them didn’t take their break at the same time, leaving the fort vulnerable)" The rep continued, "Now both sides treat this snowball fight like a regular job, they clock in Monday through Friday from 9-5. Throw snowballs at each other. Take an hour for lunch. Then more snowball fight till it’s time to clock out.”

When they had initially started on the walk, Lamar and Eunice would never have imagined this would turn in to one of the most absurd, surreal, and memorable walks they would ever go on. Lamar asked the only logical question that remained -- 

"What are they fighting for?"

"Oh I have no idea, no one knows for sure, I just started a few weeks ago. I think, maybe, 4-5 years? But, both sides are absolutely sure they must win. Losing is not an option."

"How can losing not be an option when they don't even know what they're fighting for?" Eunice asked in a last-ditch attempt to make some sense of the scene they had just come across. 

"Well," the rep began, "The jobs are good and so is the money. We all want to see this go on as long as possible... Anyway folks that's all the time I have for today. Take care!"

The rep left to head back to the battlefield/worksite. Lamar and Eunice turned around and walked home. Tomorrow they would take a walk they were more familiar with.